Shitposting Group Gets Zucc'd Thanks To A Piece Of Wood

WeedSport, NY At Just past 8:30 PDT, NSA agent Hugh Jaynus left his desk to go get a cup of coffee. When he returned, he found that his mission- to track down a group of autistic 20 to 30-something year olds (and one very angry 40 year old) had been compromised, all thanks to a piece of wood.

"I just left to go get a cup of coffee, take a fat shit and maybe have a wank, I get back to my desk and I find this shit. I've dedicated years of my life to the counter cyber-autism squad, and now i've been stopped dead in my tracks, all thanks to the group getting Zucc'd" -Hugh Jaynus


One of the suspects

"Normally, this specific shitposting group has been very consistent- they'll go ahead and create a group - the autism is there, but not dormant. Then some shit arises, all hell breaks loose, members leave the group, then form another group- it's basically like a flood carrier form," Hugh stated. "This group has been around since 2014 or so, but for it to be taken out via Zucc- some of my co-workers said this would be end of cyberautism. But they're dead wrong."

Hugh explained in great detail, that Autism cannot be contained or destroyed through normal means. "I appreciate the effort, but unfortunately you cannot kill autism- physical or cyber without killing all other life. In other words- the forerunners were right; you must kill all life by activating the Halo rings to stop the flood. I appreciate the piece of Balsa wood's effort, but it was not enough. I'm sure that a new group will be created in a few hours, and the shitposting will continue as usual."

There's Another /ct/ Because Fuck You

Since its inception, /ct/ has served as a sanctuary for young adults with ass burgers to discuss technology, from the latest graphics cards to the roboSUCC 5000 sexbot. Eventually, topics strayed from computers and technology to off-topic ramblings, and thus a splinter group called "/ct/off_the-Record" was created.

See, the problem with young adults with assburgers (98% of the population of /ct/) is that their lack of social skills is compensated for with their ability to shitpost. At first, all sorts of agencies, from Autism speaks to the NSA began to make alt accounts to lurk inside Off_The_Record, extracting precious data from the group. However, a spike in shitposting proved disastrous, resulting in the inherent deaths or mental collapse of six NSA members, 22 Autism speaks researchers, two professors from Baylor University, seven research students in the PhD program at the University of Oklahoma and 76 Indian "hackers". Eventually, many members who were on the higher end of functionality on the Autism spectrum splintered off after the shitposting coming from the rectum of Off_The_Record became far too great, in an effort to preserve their sanity.

This vicious cycle of new /ct/ groups continued, resulting in /ct/'s combined shitposting power taking up 0.0001% of total space on Facebook's global servers. Now, there's been a new /ct/ group spawned, because fuck you. The quote "history repeats itself" is the forever motto of the group, and nothing will change that.

Group Members Fondly Look Back On Dead Guy Sebastian Meme

"I remember when Angus spawned the meme. Nobody knew why, but it suddenly happened, and we were all just like, OK" -Hicky Russey


Ahairi Vahchina, an self-proclaimed meme expert and shitpost analyst praised Angus Appleton's meme efforts, calling it "innovative" and "shitposting from a new angle; the Steve Jobs of shitposting" Others called it a forced meme, similar to "school weenus inspection day," and event only two members of the group claim to have partaken in.

Nonethless, the group has long forgotten about this meme until this article was unfortunately found in the author's drafts from 14 months ago.

Who Reported Me

                                        "dindu nuffin" -Angus Beefpatty PearKilogram
The resident Kiwi Angus Beefpatty PearKilogram, a Pirelli-star holding chef and gun enthusiast held a witch hunt to find out who reported him, to zero success. As shitposting trends in the shitposting group known as /ct/Off_The_Record /ct/Whatever_Lewd_Peter_Names_It_This_Week are basically a giant circle, once the meme started, the copypastas began.

                                                   Grade A beef Handmade Copypasta
"You know, this group is basically like a hobo's shopping cart. They do a lot with basically nothing. It's like a dog chasing its tail for hours on end" chuckled CIA agent Zrian Buckerman.

What The Fuck Is Going On With The Group

A new level of shitposting encased the eleventh twenty sixth revision of /ct/Off_The_Record as group members decided to randomly change the group name to ones containing copious amounts of lewd. "Yeah....I got nothing" said FBI investigator shitposter Dorian Rossi. "Y'know, I just joined the group for shits in giggles, originally triggerposting Ricky Hussey by posting shit about apple seemingly unironically, but this group has gone beyond that."

NSA member Buht Chiiks predicts that the namechanging shitposting will continue for about 2 more weeks before someone steps in and changes the name back to what it was, and shitposting will go back to its originally scheduled programming.

Shitposting Group's Members Voluntarily Attempt A Shitstorm

The NSA and head members of Autism Speaks gathered around NSA agent, Nota Kop's computer screen as they eagerly waited for what was said to be a voluntary shitstorm inside the 17th iteration of the shitposting group, /CT/Off_The_Record. Nota Kop, who managed to infiltrate the group months ago under the aliases Dorian Rossi and Hakeem Yurmom was no stranger to the group's shitstorms. "I remember a while back, this one person who claimed to be a female and said she was a lawyer was an admin for the group a while back. Then it was revealed that she didn't even get her JD, and that it was to be completed at University of Phoenix through online classes, and the whole group called her out, then imploded"

Autism Speaks were certain that the research that they had done on assburgers syndrome had been completed months ago after the last migration. "We were ready to conclude our research, that Assburgers seeks peace, bottles up the autism and explodes eventually, thus creating the shitstorm," said Hyuuj Vah-Chyna, a top level Autism researcher. After witnessing Autism that had evolved to the Nth degree and seeing a pattern, the team was ready to call it quits, however Hyuuj wasn't ready to stop just yet. She examined the group further, and discovered that the group had gone through a strange level of calamity within the group. "Sure, there were a few candle memes here and there, but it was astonishing. However, some members weren't happy with the new leadership, as usual," noted Vah-Chyna.

Ala howuak-barr, a senior analyst at the NSA was ready to take a vacation to the North of France for a visit to his relatives sightseeing, however the new activity has him worried that everything may be jeopardized.

NSA Operations Grind To A Halt To Determine If Shitposting Admin Is Butthurt

SHITPOST LAND, DUMBFUCKISTAN- 1:17 PM- The NSA's 1337 H4X0R operations came to a grinding halt today as the lead admin of /ct/Off_The_Record revision # 432,850,650,392 decided to ban Brax, a 40 something year old who spent his spare time arguing with 20-somethings.

"Shit, if I knew that their next shitstorm was going to be today, I would have packed a second lunch for myself" stated NSA employee Dorian Rossi. "Nobody here is sure how such drama can erupt from a shitposting group, but okay" agreed another employee. "If this shitposting group was a TV show, TMV would be all over it- there's so much drama over stupid shit it kind of reminds me of Keeping up with the Cuckdashians"

Shortly after Brax was banned, a tiny shitstorm erupted (which, as always snowballs into a massive shitstorm, and creation of a new group as nobody ever learns from their mistakes here) after Messy Schrider left the group, going off into Benjamin "bought a Buick for 2K" Ristow's group. A large debate then occurred in the comments as people (and members of the NSA) wondered if William was actually butthurt.

"Is William the guy who owns a pug or is that somebody else" -NSA employee who has been living under a rock

The NSA'e verdict is unclear, as they predict the shitstorm will only get bigger over time.

NSA's cafeteria runs out of popcorn as OTR's new shitstorm erupts

William Klebe during OTR's shitstorm, colorized.

NSA lead Michael S. Rogers has monitored many notorious groups, such as anonymous, 4chan, and lizard squad. However in his whole time at the NSA, he has never seen much buttfuckery outside of a group called "/ct/Off_The_Record".

"They've had like 13 different groups over a span of 3 years. It's like there's a bunch of chaotic evil seeds in the group that are just there to stir up a bunch of shit" -Michael S. Rogers

In the last few weeks, a cult following for Off_The_Record has followed as NSA has been watching Off the Record randomly spike and fall like an unstable concoction that could very well eliminate every living soul attending the 7th grade science fair. "We at the office have started taking bets. When Dave Mundas became Benjamin Ristow, a few staffers lost their whole paychecks" one employee jeered. "I bought some new Gundam models as reccomended by Martin Aubrey with that money."

"At this rate, we're wondering how long it will take before Klebe, Curtis, Gary and Benjamin destroy the whole group, and a new group is formed, with the older group becoming another archive for us at the NSA to keep," announced Mr. Rogers. "At this rate, it may be within a few hours to a few days. We're holding bets again at the office"

Recently Formed Shitposting Group Already Imploding

Visual representation of shitstorm, Spongebob, 2003, colorized.

It was just another normal day for shitposter Martin Aubrey, expect it wasn't. "I was expecting to just go to work, fold Mylar for 10 hours while ragging on my co-worker about buying a Mopile, then going home to build Gundams, browse 4chan and shitpost," the weeb announced. "I never though that we would have a shitstorm- it's only thursdsay! Come on people!"

The current shitposting group was formed by candle dealer and house owner William "Brick Weed" Klebe created a new group after Jonathan Plank, ultimate meme mastermind decided it would be really funny to remove all of the admins from the old shitposting group and make Gary Lee the sole admin. Since the quote "History repeats itself" is a guarantee for off the record spinoffs, the ground inevitably shit the bed, prompting a new place for people to dump memes.

A few weeks ago, a forgotten member re-appeared as a new alias; Bongamin REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEstow'd had returned under the name Dave Mundas. Bongamin, who has a severe case of assburgers, managed to use his assburger powers to show everyone in ct the inner workings of his mind, prompting everyone to consider group suicide as the group was now being subject to unironic autism levels which had taken the group to the twilight zone.

Klebe, who was high on his cartel-laced brick weed, decided it would be hilarious to piss off Ben, and began deleting Ben's posts exclusively. This enraged Ben, who decided to create his own shitposting group after ten minutes of animal-like screeching; The new group was called "/CT/Fuck_censorship." Ben promised that there would be "No sign-ups, No credit card, no bullshit" in his new group.

Shitposting Group Likely To Implode After Repeatedly Asking Itself, "IS THIS LOSS?"

In a sudden, explosive shitposting outburst, the members of /CT/ OTR have collectively begun their usual process of destroying the group from inside out, asking if everything is loss, in the ultimate form of shitposting.

"IS THIS LOSS?" -Oskar (trail) Mix



Syed Hasib, the local bass guitarist and resident cuck of OTR was having a hard time keeping up with how quickly the shitposting was taking place. Soon, the shitposting turned to reporting, signaling the imminent collapse and implosion of OTR.

But hey, at least it wasn't like that time we made everyone admin, right?

NSA Director Quits Job To Make Low Budget Soap Opera About /CT/ OTR

After a few members of /CT/OTR created a shitstorm for the 9th time this month and 1,337th time since the creation of the group, the head of the NSA, Dorian Rossi left his job, citing that he could make more money if he made a low budget soap opera about /CT/OTR and broadcasted his program on Mexican television.

"Their Autism is my script. It's amazing how so much drama fucking erupts from a group which was designed for memes and shitposting. I think this show will be a hit in Tijuana. Imagine Netflix and chilling with a prostitute with this blaring in the background" -Dorian Rossi, former NSA director

Regarding casting, Dorian has cited that Ricky Hussey will be played by a pug, Bryan Kong will be played by Kim Il Sung's brother's cousin's former roommate, and Jacob Marziarzarzrarzrarzraz by Shia Labeouf.

Dorian plans to launch his new show on April 20th, 2016.

Shitposting Group Amassing Copypastas At Alarming Rate

Ricky Hussey, a Shitposter/Pug/Victim of Dead Memes has announced Wednesday night that the shitposting group, /CT/ Off The Record was gaining Copypastas at an alarming rate and he was having difficulty keeping track of all the memes.

"I won't check otter when I'm at my job at Rite Aid. Then during my break, I make an AMA thread and suddenly there's a new copypasta, and I have 50 notifications from people using the new copypasta in my AMA thread" -Ricky "Pug Go" Hussey

Some of the most famous OTR copypastas include Rob Shehan's GoFundMe, Angus Appleton's "Kill Yourself, this is getting boring" and the recently spawned "Basic Girl" meme from CT.

Previously Removed Admin Re-Admined, Democracy In FB Group Dead Once More

Wilma Malwarebytes McAfee was given back her admin status in a /CT/Off_The_Record, a move that CT_OTR admin James Daniel knew would rile up the group again and cause a huge fucking shitstorm. As expected, many members began to protest by shitposting creamy memes to the group's wall.

"He actually did it, the absolute fucking madman" -NSA staffer Dan Humphries

NSA staffers who were assigned to look after CT OTR were either overjoyed or disgusted when /CT/ OTR once again demonstrated its inability to learn from its mistakes. NSA staffers started taking bets on the following:
-How many spin off groups will be created as a result
-Who the new admins will be
-How many times the 'liberate the gay day' copypasta will be posted into OTR

"It was a giant mistake that CT a[s] whole caused when 

we removed Ryan" -Jacob Marizarzrarz


George, the voice of reason voiced his concerns for OTR, noting that the group was "only for shitposting but somehow drama spouts out of it which should never actually happen." George believe that drama is a result of memes not being dank enough.

Shitposting Group Starts Vote To Re-Add Cancerous Member

In a move that was completely unsurpising, the Facebook group /CT/Off_The_Record started a poll to see who wanted to re-add Abraxus, a member they had to ban nearly five times. Some of the members remembered that one member knew that this would happen again, and everyone decided to go completely ape shit.

"This is fucking sad, I would have thought these guys would have learned their lesson. We've started taking bets in the office though, I hope they re-add him because I lost the powerball tonight" -Rick Donahue, NSA 

NSA staffers who had been assigned to watch /CT/ Off_The_Record collectivelly groaned when Joseph DiCarlo made the poll. Others cheered, citing the recent lack of drama in OTR. "Sure, Bryan Kong's tale of trapping a Cockroach in a plastic bag was slightly amusing, but there really hasn't been some entertaining shit going on. They should re-add Rob instead," noted Senior NSA staffer Jeff Dylan.

Man Banned From Facebook Group Chat Indefinately After Posting Monions

Ben Sage, a man from the UK, faces a permanent ban from a Facebook Group Chat after being banned repeatedly for posting minion stickers and using smug face emoticons. "I literally ban him every other day, it's just absurd," said Angus Appleton, the group chat's resident overlord. Other group members noted how the facebook chat has been named "BEN IS BANNED" about fifty times.

                                                             Angus's reaction to Minions
Not five minutes ago, Jacob Marziarzarzarz who wasn't killed in Texas thanks to his clever disguise involving eating a block of cheese, was banned for posting a minion sticker. "I wonder if Angus posts a monion sticker on accident, if he'll ban himself" Jacob asked.

NZ Apprentice Chef Takes Leaf Out Of Ethic's Professor's Book, Fails To Show Up For Test

An Apprentice Chef has taken a leaf out of A USC professor's book and has completely forgotten to show up for his first practical test. Angus Appleton, who was managing the test, fired the Apprentice on the spot.

"If you can't show up as an apprentice, how do you ever expect to be a master Jedi Chef?" -Angus Appleton, Master Chef/Jedi

Angus's position as Master Jedi earned him a spot on Stuart Ashen's Youtube Channel as guest star "Chef Excellence"

After Angus banned the young padawan apprentice, he subtracted money from the Apprentice's paycheck to cover his Taxi fare and then went home to binge play Far Cry 4. "It's the best leopard killer simulator out there," he said gleefully.

Canadian Buys Slab Of Cheese To Avoid Getting Killed By Texas Lynch Mob

Jacob Marziarzarzarzarz, a Canadian man was in Dallas, Texas this week. Needing to find a way to not get lynched by immigrant hating racists fit in, Jacob headed for the nearest supermarket in order to buy the largest slab of cheese he could find in order to fit in.

Jacob's large slab of cheese

"I felt protected by this slab of cheese. Once I bought it, it was like the maple leaf T-shirt I was wearing was gone, and I stopped saying Eh? after everything," notes Jacob. Unfortunately, Jacob was shot and killed by rednecks after they spotted that his Toyota Corolla was actually just a moose with Toyota badges and cupholders. 

Area Man Posts Suspicious ZIP file to Facebook Group

At 5:15 PM, Area man Jonathan Plank posted a "topsecret" ZIP file into /CT/ Off_The_Record, the flagship spinoff group of /CT/. After trying to download it, many members found that it it was locked with a password.

"The encryption is next gen. He locked the ZIP file with a password; We have no idea how to crack it" -Remus F, CIA

John Doe, a NSA rep monitoring Off_The-Record, tipped off the CIA that a "topsecret" file was uploaded by a senior shitposter. Despite the CIA's best efforts, they were unable to open the file. "If there was some sort of password recovery system where we could have a password reset sent to an email, that would really help us out" said Remus F, a CIA operative. "We can only assume that they contain russian nuclear launch codes or something of that nature."

"I genuinely thought it would contain Wilma's bar exam results, but there's a fucking password on it. I bet it's anime tiddies" -Angus Appleton, Local Skype Overlord

"I tried using password as the password. It didn't work" -Bryan Kong, M.D.

Others speculated that it was "the rarest pepe of all time" or "proof that big wasp exists." The world will never know.

Micro Center Employee Struggling To Not Go Ballistic After Asked If NVIDIA GT610 Will Run Crysis 3

Syed Hasib, a New York Micro Center employee, admits that he gets asked lots of stupid things at his job. "The employee discounts are good, but some of the customers are just retarded. Like one time, a girl asked me to smell her laptop. I just pretended to" Syed claims.

Over the years, many stupid questions regarding the NVIDIA GT610 have been asked to Syed, mainly if they card is a "console killer" "People ask me all the time, 'will assassins creed syndicate run on this card, can I run mine craft at 4k 200 fps on it' it's really hard to explain to them that it won't" he exclaimed.

Syed's face that fateful tuesday

On Tuesday, January 5th, 2015, the inevitable happened. "I was stocking up the R9 390X's. Then this kid walks up, and he's with his mom. About 12. His mom tells him that he can't get an expensive GPU, and she says 'how bout this one?' to the GT610. The kid runs up to me and asks, will this play Crysis 3 at 4K 60 fps?"

Syed turned around and clocked out that same minute. 

NSA Employee Can't Remember How Many Times Shitposting Group He Was Monitoring Went Overboard

"I clearly remember it. A funny post got banned, then outrage happened. These kids never learn" stated NSA Employee John Doe, who was assigned to watch over the Facebook Group /CT/Off_The_Record after they were tipped off. "There was a time where they decided to make everyone an admin of the group, and it ended horribly where they had to leave just one sole admin, who started the group to begin with," says John Doe. "About once a month some mad shit goes down, and I invite everyone in my department to take bets on who will get banned or what will happen."

Another NSA employee, Dorian claimed that he lost $1,000 when he bet that off the record would not vote Abraxus back into the group a third time. "I would have thought that they would have learned from the first two times, but apparently not," he exclaimed.

"It's like they're one, big autistic family" -John Doe, 2015

Despite everything that has gone down, he admits the group has done some good, including crowdfunding a computer for a member who was down on his luck. "I was almost assigned to monitor the group 'HACKERS' but I got assigned to Off_The_Record. I'm glad I was, cause everyone knows the 'HACKERS' group is a bunch of script kiddies who don't know shit and, as a result aren't a threat to anybody," he concludes.