Previously Removed Admin Re-Admined, Democracy In FB Group Dead Once More

Wilma Malwarebytes McAfee was given back her admin status in a /CT/Off_The_Record, a move that CT_OTR admin James Daniel knew would rile up the group again and cause a huge fucking shitstorm. As expected, many members began to protest by shitposting creamy memes to the group's wall.

"He actually did it, the absolute fucking madman" -NSA staffer Dan Humphries

NSA staffers who were assigned to look after CT OTR were either overjoyed or disgusted when /CT/ OTR once again demonstrated its inability to learn from its mistakes. NSA staffers started taking bets on the following:
-How many spin off groups will be created as a result
-Who the new admins will be
-How many times the 'liberate the gay day' copypasta will be posted into OTR

"It was a giant mistake that CT a[s] whole caused when 

we removed Ryan" -Jacob Marizarzrarz


George, the voice of reason voiced his concerns for OTR, noting that the group was "only for shitposting but somehow drama spouts out of it which should never actually happen." George believe that drama is a result of memes not being dank enough.

Shitposting Group Starts Vote To Re-Add Cancerous Member

In a move that was completely unsurpising, the Facebook group /CT/Off_The_Record started a poll to see who wanted to re-add Abraxus, a member they had to ban nearly five times. Some of the members remembered that one member knew that this would happen again, and everyone decided to go completely ape shit.

"This is fucking sad, I would have thought these guys would have learned their lesson. We've started taking bets in the office though, I hope they re-add him because I lost the powerball tonight" -Rick Donahue, NSA 

NSA staffers who had been assigned to watch /CT/ Off_The_Record collectivelly groaned when Joseph DiCarlo made the poll. Others cheered, citing the recent lack of drama in OTR. "Sure, Bryan Kong's tale of trapping a Cockroach in a plastic bag was slightly amusing, but there really hasn't been some entertaining shit going on. They should re-add Rob instead," noted Senior NSA staffer Jeff Dylan.

Man Banned From Facebook Group Chat Indefinately After Posting Monions

Ben Sage, a man from the UK, faces a permanent ban from a Facebook Group Chat after being banned repeatedly for posting minion stickers and using smug face emoticons. "I literally ban him every other day, it's just absurd," said Angus Appleton, the group chat's resident overlord. Other group members noted how the facebook chat has been named "BEN IS BANNED" about fifty times.

                                                             Angus's reaction to Minions
Not five minutes ago, Jacob Marziarzarzarz who wasn't killed in Texas thanks to his clever disguise involving eating a block of cheese, was banned for posting a minion sticker. "I wonder if Angus posts a monion sticker on accident, if he'll ban himself" Jacob asked.

NZ Apprentice Chef Takes Leaf Out Of Ethic's Professor's Book, Fails To Show Up For Test

An Apprentice Chef has taken a leaf out of A USC professor's book and has completely forgotten to show up for his first practical test. Angus Appleton, who was managing the test, fired the Apprentice on the spot.

"If you can't show up as an apprentice, how do you ever expect to be a master Jedi Chef?" -Angus Appleton, Master Chef/Jedi

Angus's position as Master Jedi earned him a spot on Stuart Ashen's Youtube Channel as guest star "Chef Excellence"

After Angus banned the young padawan apprentice, he subtracted money from the Apprentice's paycheck to cover his Taxi fare and then went home to binge play Far Cry 4. "It's the best leopard killer simulator out there," he said gleefully.

Canadian Buys Slab Of Cheese To Avoid Getting Killed By Texas Lynch Mob

Jacob Marziarzarzarzarz, a Canadian man was in Dallas, Texas this week. Needing to find a way to not get lynched by immigrant hating racists fit in, Jacob headed for the nearest supermarket in order to buy the largest slab of cheese he could find in order to fit in.

Jacob's large slab of cheese

"I felt protected by this slab of cheese. Once I bought it, it was like the maple leaf T-shirt I was wearing was gone, and I stopped saying Eh? after everything," notes Jacob. Unfortunately, Jacob was shot and killed by rednecks after they spotted that his Toyota Corolla was actually just a moose with Toyota badges and cupholders. 

Area Man Posts Suspicious ZIP file to Facebook Group

At 5:15 PM, Area man Jonathan Plank posted a "topsecret" ZIP file into /CT/ Off_The_Record, the flagship spinoff group of /CT/. After trying to download it, many members found that it it was locked with a password.

"The encryption is next gen. He locked the ZIP file with a password; We have no idea how to crack it" -Remus F, CIA

John Doe, a NSA rep monitoring Off_The-Record, tipped off the CIA that a "topsecret" file was uploaded by a senior shitposter. Despite the CIA's best efforts, they were unable to open the file. "If there was some sort of password recovery system where we could have a password reset sent to an email, that would really help us out" said Remus F, a CIA operative. "We can only assume that they contain russian nuclear launch codes or something of that nature."

"I genuinely thought it would contain Wilma's bar exam results, but there's a fucking password on it. I bet it's anime tiddies" -Angus Appleton, Local Skype Overlord

"I tried using password as the password. It didn't work" -Bryan Kong, M.D.

Others speculated that it was "the rarest pepe of all time" or "proof that big wasp exists." The world will never know.

Micro Center Employee Struggling To Not Go Ballistic After Asked If NVIDIA GT610 Will Run Crysis 3

Syed Hasib, a New York Micro Center employee, admits that he gets asked lots of stupid things at his job. "The employee discounts are good, but some of the customers are just retarded. Like one time, a girl asked me to smell her laptop. I just pretended to" Syed claims.

Over the years, many stupid questions regarding the NVIDIA GT610 have been asked to Syed, mainly if they card is a "console killer" "People ask me all the time, 'will assassins creed syndicate run on this card, can I run mine craft at 4k 200 fps on it' it's really hard to explain to them that it won't" he exclaimed.

Syed's face that fateful tuesday

On Tuesday, January 5th, 2015, the inevitable happened. "I was stocking up the R9 390X's. Then this kid walks up, and he's with his mom. About 12. His mom tells him that he can't get an expensive GPU, and she says 'how bout this one?' to the GT610. The kid runs up to me and asks, will this play Crysis 3 at 4K 60 fps?"

Syed turned around and clocked out that same minute.